18 Weeks // Learning to Trust

That Michael Glaze, he is just the best.  I snagged this picture of him taking a well deserved nap on Wednesday after spending the wee hours of the morning with me in the ER.  Around midnight I woke up with a really intense pain in my shoulder, and in my foggy mid-sleep mind I thought that I had pulled a muscle while swimming that morning.  Within the next 3 hours the pain moved to my chest and all the way down to my elbow.  I had to sit up in the living room because it was so painful while laying down, and hard to breathe.  Around 3am I called the nurse hotline on our insurance and answered their list of questions.  I was strongly advised by the nurse to seek emergency care (she was so calm while asking me the questions then went into sergeant mode with her directions - I was impressed).  I woke Michael up at 3am and off we went to the Emergency Room.  After running an EKG and monitoring me it was confirmed that my heart was healthy, and we got to hear the baby's heart rate too.  It was Michael's first time hearing it.  I can't stop grinning like a fool while they chase the little one's heart beat around and then let us listen.  So, so amazing.  Anyways, they diagnosed it as costochondritis, which apparently you can just get while you're pregnant, and sent us on our way at 6am.  Michael then ran us to the store for some Tylenol, dropped me off at home, and made it to work by 6:30.  See what I mean by amazing!  He was then able to get off at noon to come be with me and catch up on some sleep.  While I'm still slightly in pain throughout the day, it has GREATLY improved since Wednesday.  

In light of this little scare which could have been much more serious than it turned out to be, I have been reflecting on the pregnancy as a whole and the journey it's been so far.  A lot of things have changed regarding our "plan" from the very beginning.  It's all things that are very much out of our hands and cause us to have to lean into the Lord in recognition that he is the one who ultimately controls everything - our health care, our insurance, our income, my health, the baby's health, etc.  Seeing him provide and even bring peace while we wait almost makes me feel like I'm getting to know Him more through this all.  I've always known that he is both all powerful and loving, but for the first time I'm really experiencing it and depending on it.  So far in the pregnancy I've admittedly been terrified of giving birth, AND I'm terrified of the fact that I'm terrified, because I know that fear can hinder the birthing process.  Ahh!  But it's almost like God has been showing me through smaller circumstances and trials that He is present, involved, and able to provide a way.  This doesn't guarantee that the birth will go exactly how I would like it to go, but I can feel my nerves easing just remembering that I won't be going through it alone, and that not only has God equipped my body to do this, but He is bigger than my body's abilities and I can depend on Him in those moments when I'm weakest.

Michael and I started attending Sunday school for the first time in years today, and the teacher went over the book of Habakkuk, who desperately had to rely on the Lord.  There were two quotes that really stood out to me, especially in light of our current journey. 

• "Our circumstances change, but God's care for us does not."  This was a really good reminder that even when things are going really well or according to our plan, that cannot be the source of our happiness.  But knowing that God is consistent when nothing else is guaranteed is all that we can trust in the good and the bad. 
• "Nothing changed in Habakkuk's circumstances, but he changed."  God is about changing us, and He will not fail to do so.  Even when circumstances are uncomfortable, we can know that it's for a purpose.  

Thank you to those who have been praying for us, especially since Wednesday.  God has been faithful in healing me and in changing me, which is the real miracle. 

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Aaaaaaand here we are at week 18.  I can't believe we're already almost halfway through!  This link will tell you more of what he or she is up to this week.  I can't believe it's moving around so much.  When the technician at the hospital went to find it's heartbeat, she did for a split second and then it moved!  It made me kind of proud, just knowing that he or she could do that. :)

Love, K&M