Genesis 4

Over the past few years, I have had a hard time reconciling the person of God and undeserving evil. Not so much the existential questions of how evil exists in light of God, but more, how can such terrible things happen to people. Especially children. Why God. Why.

I've also been confronted with new realities of evil in our new neighborhood. Systemic poverty, broken families, but especially violence. The faceless drive-by's that don't seem to have a purpose besides vengeance. The fact that most of these shootings are of teenagers.

Today I was reading Genesis 4 with some other women, and one verse stood out to me. After Cain had killed Abel out of what could have been jealousy, anger, or revenge, God confronts Cain. He says the following:

"What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground." (v. 10)

And it hit me. God really does see. He really does hear. And I can only imagine His heart in light of His omniscient awareness of specifically this geographically small part of the world. As much as these tragedies hurt me, God hears the voice of their blood crying to Him from the ground. And God responded by following up with Cain.

He heard. 

And He responded. 

Why A Week of Sickness is Just What I Needed

The boys are getting over a nasty cold that set in the middle of last week.  It's been severe in every way - the amount of snot, the tears, the lack of sleep, the sneezes and coughs, have all felt out of control. In looking back on this week, I've realized that the timing of it was kind of perfect (though of course I would have rather them gone without the pain of it!).

I started off the first week after Christmas vacation lamenting the lot of motherhood. I'm always hyper aware of the loneliness of it after spending time with family - aka - other adults to witness these tiny lives with me. 

We started the week running full force.  Somewhere to be every morning - people to see, things to buy, museums to visit. And then the whining started. Then the subtle running of the nose. Then not sleeping well. By Friday Michael was sleeping on the couch tending to Phin while Atticus slept in bed with me. 

I hate it when our normal is disrupted, when it feels like we've moved back a step.  But all of these disruptions, my poor babies' sickness, made me focus on what they needed at the moment. I'm realizing now that so much of my approach to mothering, and everything, is to take every day in light of the overarching goal. This makes me a very proactive mom. We determine schedules, we make a lot of plans.  We don't typically take things on a day-by-day basis, there is always an agenda, or at least to-do list, laid out for the week. 

But suddenly the basics mattered so much.

Warm, nutritious food every night. 

A clean house.

Personal hygiene (snot wiping and diaper changing all. the. time.)

Quality time together

Reassuring them that I am here, even when they are in pain.

This week of sickness reset me. The first week of January, of all weeks. 

I'm hoping to take on new and different things this year.  But this is me, reminding my future self, to care. about. the basics.

First Snow

Happy first snow of the year, sweet boy.

I thought he and I would have a super fun mom-son bonding time while baby brother napped, so I bundled him up to go explore the snow for the first time.

He was less than impressed. In fact, he still refuses to even walk in snow.

It was still nice to get outside for 10 minutes and enjoy the thick blanket that had fallen from the sky.

The light that snow gives off on dreary winter days... that's why I love the snow.

He did enjoy giving the snow a good couple of splashes!

This moment was my favorite. One of our favorites together so far. I was fiddling with the camera when he shouted at me "halp!" and when I offered my hand, he took it and, yes, dipped his toes into the snow. It was the most contact he made with it and it was so perfect. And so him.